2 min read

Tagged, again

Well, okay, another tag courtesy of redbandanna, so I guess I'll have to oblige here by telling a few (one) story of my childhood??? Okay:

Well, the one that I am going to be telling you is the infamous story of the crayon diaper and the musical flour piano. ;)

One day, I decided that I wanted to do some wall murals, which of course required that I ought to have some excellent forms of paint. What better method of paint than one's own diaper?? :P Of course, my mother found that this was only slightly entertaining, and I am sure she could not realize the wonderful, highly abstract, philosophical designs which I had envisioned for her entire living room. I suppose the fact that she had guests arriving at any moment, and the fact that the paint would not be dry by then can serve as an adequate excuse for such an utter neglect for the arts, but only once.

Now, my quest to revolutionize the arts both visually and acoustically did not stop there. My next wonder of a masterpiece was the early piano visualizer which is, these days, crudely reproduced by computer visualizations such as those available on iTunes and the like. The unbelievable simplicity of this design is made evident as soon as one sees that the only ingredients necessary are a black, baby grande piano, preferrably one given as a wedding or anniversary gift; a 20 or so pound bag of white finely ground flour; and an excellent piece of Mozart or better yet, Beethoven to play.

Now, only one of these ever reached production status, which is sad given their excellent potential. But nonetheless, this genius exhibited at such an early age can only get better with time.

The first thing I did was locate the piano in question and map out a nice path from which is drag the bag of flour. I carefully chose the small but ever expanding trail of flour from the pantry to the piano, covering a wide variety of hard and carpetted floors. This was to cement the visual connection between the beauty of food and the musical beauty which is can possess. Then, I simply poured the majority of the contents of the flour carefully into every sound making crevice of the piano, so that the maximum effect might be achieved. I had to balance out the amount of flour according to the particular octave that was to be visualized. Of course, I then had to carefully decorate the outside of the piano as well to give the best hint of the beauty which would be seen as the piano was played.

Now, to actually use this instrument, there are two settings: lid open and lid closed. The first tends to be more vivacious and gives a great deal of spunk with its delivery. I highly recommend it for parties or big events with lots of lighting. With the lid closed it's more sleek and sophisticated in its effects, and so I would suggest this be used in more romantic settings, or those devilishly sly pieces of music which require an almost secret agent like atomsphere. A slight hint of breeze was going to be the deluxe version, but it never reached production. This would have added a whole other feeling to the whole experience.

Now...in typical fashion, my mother showed an utter disregard for the innovations of the musical process, and underwent a severely overdone stage of change, wherein she called in the best so-called experts in the field to remove my beautiful visualization mechanism from her piano. The Nerve!

As I have matured however, I have learned that such things happen in the way of music, and it's hard to really get people to love the new ideas that you have for something if they are already set in their ways. Oh well, the piano visualizer de flour will forever live in history as that great invention which was crushed by political pressure and under-marketing.

There you go, Charity. ;)